JAM-PACKED FRIDAY (2) – Weather-Beaten, Blizzard-Blasted…

Don’t tell me it’s always about the weather…

It’s Friday and I’m going to write a ‘Jam-Packed Friday’ post just like I did last week except it won’t be as long as last week.

Blame the weather. Also blame the fact that I went down to London in this weather (this damn weather) and I think it’s given me something resembling jet-lag. (Cold-lag? London-lag?)

I’d say ‘Happy March!’ and start going about the process of hailing spring but I don’t see spring here, friends. And summer seems far, far away (impossible?) and it hurts and offends me.

I’ve had several moments of ice-cold clarity these past few days, like when I was stood on a train station platform struggling to control the convulsive shivers coursing through my torso. Checking the temperature and finding that it’s 20 degrees lower than my ‘comfortable temperature’ level has me questioning “Why am I still here?

I can’t hack another elongated winter like this and I’m currently considering life choices that will ensure I avoid this sort of stupid coldness. Yes, I’m going to set my controls to the HEART OF THE SUN…

Or summat like that. Yes, it is always about the weather. Anyway, here’s this week as a one-minute free association writing exercise…


FREE ASSOCIATION WEEKLY MINUTE GO GO GO SNOW OH NO…

Manchester City smashing Arsenal repeatedly. We’re all just waiting on Brexit speeches and Oscar night and the moment this cold snap passes but oh crap I’ve mentioned the weather. It’s too cold. Cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold. Too cold. It shouldn’t be snowing in Rome. Cold. But hey, City won and Vincent Kompany was wearing nothing but a t-shirt.


Yeah, everything is pretty much consumed by the ‘Beast for the East’. But I figure that we need a better name for this thing because the ‘Beast from the East’ sounds like a nickname you should give to a Ukrainian athlete or a second-tier monster movie character. (Film idea: Godzilla vs. Siberian Snowstorm.)

I have a feeling that people are also bored of ‘Snowgeddon’ and ‘Snowpocalypse’ because they’ve been deployed many times before. Because I believe that names are important and have power and because the internet needs another irrelevant list, I thus move forward with…

FIVE ALTERNATIVE NAMES FOR THE ‘BEAST FROM THE EAST’…

  1. WHITEMARE – White + nightmare = whitemare. An atrocious, awful-sounding, dread-inspiring portmanteau for this age of atrocious, awful-sounding, dread-inspiring portmaneaus. (See Brexit, Netflix, listicle, etc.)
  2. THE POLEAXE – Because we are being viciously axed by harsh polar conditions.
  3. MILLENNIAL VENGEANCE – You’re sorry that you called all those young people ‘snowflakes’ now, aren’t you? Mother Nature’s going to remind you what snowflakes actually are and how powerful they can be. (Note: this name might be dangerous if it leads to us implying that this weather is entirely the fault of bitter elder generations. Then again, maybe there’s something in that…)
  4. CLIMATE CHANGE COMETH – Purely to batter the crowd who aren’t convinced that climate change is a real thing. If it’s colder in Berlin than it is in the Arctic Circle then something is severely wrong. We could (maybe erroneously) build-up this especially cold snap as the ‘poster phenomenon’ to push forward environmentalist action in political circles and wider society.
  5. VUK – Wikipedia informs me that ‘Vuk‘ is a Slavic name meaning ‘Wolf’. It’s appropriate because this weather came from Eastern Europe and sounds almost exactly like a four-letter English word I’ve been crying out even more than usual lately.

Alternatively, just join me behind the sofa, pressed against the radiator with a portable electric heater in your face, dreaming of Antigua…

Yes. It is always about the weather…


CULTURE JAMMING…

I went to London but it was mainly running around trying to find places to get warm. Culture-vulturing comes second to simply trying to survive. I was aware that I was speeding past Trafalgar Square, Leicester Square and all the other sights that I dig but, really, I’ll revel in ’em when I return once this Ice Age is over. Otherwise…

  • I got to see Lady Bird last weekend and it more than deserves all the hype and praise. What Greta Gerwig has created is so much more than ‘another awkward teen age girl coming-of-age story’. I can’t think of many films that have so much empathy for every single character – in spite of their flaws and general shittiness. It’s mainly a film about being a teenager and about a daughter-mother relationship but beyond those core threads it’s a film about being a human being. Profound, touching, and superbly crafted and acted, I hope it gets a little bit of love at the Oscars and reaches even more people. This weekend I’m cheering on Lady Bird and The Shape of Water, and if anyone wants to talk to me about these films, hit me up and we’ll be here for a long, long time.
  • This week I’m mainly listening to pop-tinged punk rock because nothing says summer like pop-punk. If I play it loud enough I can’t hear the blizzard outside.

It’s not hard to reach, not far to reach! WE CAN HITCH A RIDE TO ROCKAWAY BEACH![delusional smiles, quiet hot tears…]


STUFF CREATED…

I’ve not got much to give this week. You know what to blame…

Recent doodles

… and a thing I wrote…

  • Something else for Atlas Obscura (because I love Atlas Obscura): I put up some photos and a description of Balcone d’Italia – the Balcony of Italy – which sits on the summit of Mount Sighignola and overlooks Lake Lugano. It’s breathtaking and I’m going to continue to offer up other hidden gems of Italy in idle moments while I plot my return…

That’s all for this week, because I need to leave this laptop and go get my blood circulating again. I also need to go outside and commence a quest to acquire milk. If I make it back alive, I’ll be back next week with a Jam-Packed Friday post that’s less fraught with f-f-f-f-f-f frozen dread. (And thanks for reading by the way, and please click the ‘Follow’ or ‘Subscribe’ option on the side menu if you want to get my gubbins direct in your email inbox.)

Until then, take care, stay warm, good energies and much love… ❤

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